Then and now. .
There’s just something different about those two words .
You may think nothing will change but at the end of the day things do change whether you want them to or not. You may wonder why, without ever concluding a final answer.
You may find it difficult to absolve the difference between then and now.
Where did those then go?
Where did the now’s go?
At what point in time did I forget to start counting? In what moment did I forget to keep track of myself?
I let go. At least I like to think I do.
Bottom line it all lingers in the back of my head. Bottom line it all stays.
Though nothing makes absolute sense to me at the present moment, I try to convince myself that sooner rather than later I will one day understand.
Moments come and go.
Days go by and yet nothing.
What can be done about this passing of time? What can be done about this passing of days?
It used to be so simple back then.
Now, things are no longer simple.
Simplicity became a luxury that is way overpriced. It became just a word. An overrated idea of the state of mind to make us think some other way.
I used to enjoy silence. Yet silence itself became loud.
I couldn’t hear, and I couldn’t listen.
My ears refused to absolve any more changes.
There was too much going on.
Life was moving fast.
Too fast for me to even grasp a hold of what was happening.
Many questions were raised.
Too many I would say.
I couldn’t answer what I couldn’t understand.
I couldn’t see what I didn’t know.
Irritated became my favorite word. It described my every thought, my every feeling and my every mood. I have always said: “There’s no worst feeling compared to the feeling of uncertainty”. When we know nothing, what do we know?
My mind can jump quickly from one image to another without having a transition. That’s when I wish I could teleport to other places, other moments, other feelings. But I’m stuck in this moment and I can’t get out.