Coping

A blank stare confirmed the inevitable. There she was lying in the floor. Stiff and rigid with her blank stare. Her eyes were crying out for a last struggle of breath. I couldn’t help being stoked. Tears falling down, making water drops of loss. No heart beat, no movement. All I could do was give the call. I tried to revive her with no hesitation. I couldn’t make her come back, I new. My heart began to pound faster with every breath I took. Words became mumbled nonsense my mother couldn’t understand. “What are you saying? I don’t understand.” I grabbed my purse and held her in my arms. I wanted to take her to the veterinarian; maybe they could bring her back. I got in the car faster than the speed of light.
“Luna passed away!” I went to pick my mother up from work since she requested me to do so. She got in the car and said: “Give her to me”. She couldn’t cope to see her sweet heart no longer here with us. I couldn’t stand seeing my mother with her “daughter” in her hands. We went back to the house were the rain blessed her away. There was a full moon on her behalf.
My mother went back to her job to look for her car. While she was gone I prayed for her good bye. “You never know what you have until it’s gone”. Dogs aren’t just pets. They are even more than just company. Dogs are family. Luna was a rescued Shih Tzu. She had heart problems since she was a puppy. Her heart was bigger than it was supposed to be so this made it difficult for her to breathe. We figured she had a stroke since she was constantly coughing for lack of breath.
It’s hard to say goodbye. It’s even harder when you couldn’t be there for them as they are always there for us. Maybe’s began to rise. All that came through my mind were what ifs. Letting go of a loved soul is by far the most painful emotion felt by a living thing. My Golden Retriever Roxy knew what was going on. She couldn’t stop making obvious sad sounds. Lying down next to her body with a Sad Sam face. Dogs are very smart. There’s no need to explain the obvious.
All that’s left is her trace. But in my mind she’ll be present. Never had I ever experienced life as soon as I experienced death. I’ve seen two dead bodies in my life. The first one was my father. The second one was Luna. Both left me when I left them. And I always will regret leaving them alone.

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