Not as planned

Lately I’ve been wondering about life. I mean, who hasn’t? This concern of mine is: What happens when you hit your twenties? During the following years you go through emotional roller coasters that seem never-ending. It’s an ongoing stage were you feel like there’s no exit or shortcut.
At first I was so confident and secure of whom I was or were it is I was heading. As the years went by things became not so pleasant. In the middle of re-routing my steps, I found myself trapped in repetition and deception.
These past 4 years of my life have been the most memorable and yet regretful. I admit I slacked from time to time. But, who wouldn’t have in my shoes. I can say I was cruising randomly through time.
It’s difficult growing up. It’s even harder with so many bumps on the road such as love. It’s the thirst for “thrive”, excelling further more. Our limits, fears, and concerns form an invisible bubble of depression.
If it weren’t for those “Fuck it” my inner voice told me. All the money I could’ve saved and not spend. Tears became silent screams and voiceless sounds. I yet comprehend what happened. What went wrong?
“La vida es color de rosa”, but who said I liked pink? My life has been nothing but black and blue.
I think Internet fucked things up for me. Logging in to people’s lives, checking up on who or what. Creating a blockade of possibilities and growth. Suddenly I began comparing my so-called life with those who were my “friends”. Creating uncertainties and making me stay away from what was real. You begin to believe what you see. Since I had nothing to post that would amaze my audience, I began to accept I wasn’t moving forward. I understood I was just standing. I witness how the wind blows for everyone but me. I can’t complain, I’ve gone far but that’s not enough. It’s never enough and that’s the problem.



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